when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
