YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
