I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
