break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
