Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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