Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
