does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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