Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
