i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
