nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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