you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
