corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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