you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
