I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
