I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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