So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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