Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
