If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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