Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
