Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
