The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize