I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
