Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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