Your tits are I can't wait for
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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