I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
