I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
