Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
