nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
