you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
