Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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