tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
