i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
