If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
3 2 1 whiskey
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
