The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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