She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
