does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
