Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's official drugs can't kill me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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