I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize