here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
