Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
