CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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