He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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