when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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