so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
