Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
