i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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