you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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