I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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