i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
