If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
