Don't make out with my wife yet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
