Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
