I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
