this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
