Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and i looked up. we had an audience...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
