Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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