we're blogging at a bar
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I only lived at night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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