You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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