happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
