i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize