i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
