Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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