i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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