someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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