We won't sleep together?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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