did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
