seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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