If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
