Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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