i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize