Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
