I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
