Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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