I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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