Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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