I think I am morally bankrupt
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
