You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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