Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
